SUCH A HEART...

"...'I have heard the voice of the words of this people which they have spoken to you. They are right in all they have spoken. Oh that they would have such a heart in them that they would fear Me and always keep all my commandments, that it might be well with them and with their children forever!' "
Deuteronomy 5:28-29 (NKJV)

The more I read, and re-read, the Old Testament, the more I see how much like the children of Israel I can be. They acknowledged the awesomeness of God. They knew He was the only God. They said all the right things.
But in their hearts...
It hurts me when I find myself doing the same thing.
Recounting all the things I have head knowledge about regarding God, things I believe, but in my heart...
When I KNOW what the Bible has said about Him and me, but in my heart...
I can tell others what Scripture promises them, I mean us , but in my heart...
I can speak truth, but in my heart...
You will find past hurts and future fears.
Look closely and you will see worries, doubts and disappointments trying to speak up.
They are all saying something.
Speaking truth without actually speaking the Truth to my heart.
It is easy, I find, to be busting forth with boldness when things are good. When miracles are happening. To proclaim and believe with my whole heart the goodness and greatness of Christ.
But like the Israelites, when I become afraid, where does my heart turn?
When I don't get the answer I think I want, what happens to my heart?
Does it shatter and scar?
Become hard and hopeless?
Maybe seal off a piece of itself?
My flesh wants it to.
My enemy wants it to.
I, and you, have to be deliberate in those moments.
Deliberately choosing which way our hearts will go.
Not that we don't have broken hearts, but that we don't keep them that way.
Not the we don't feel hurt, but we don't stay that way.
We choose to deliberately deliver our hearts to Christ Jesus.
We lay them before our Father, pieces broken off by fear and hurt, and we let Him heal it.
We let Him restore it.
Trusting that He will.
Trusting that the brokenness He has allowed is for our good and believing, through that same shattered vessel, He will bring wholeness.

Holy Spirit, give us such a heart.

Lord, give us hearts like Yours. Hearts that trust You. Hearts that fear You in a healthy manner. Hearts that know You are for us and that You are working daily to complete the good work You have started in us, painful as it may seem at times. More than anything Jesus, give us hearts that love you above all else. As the song says, may we not raise our hearts to another. In Jesus Name, Amen.

WHAT ARE WE LOOKING FOR?

"And the Lord spoke to Moses, saying, "Send men to spy out the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the children of Israel; from each tribe of their fathers you shall send a man, every one a leader among them." Numbers 13:1-2 (NKJV)

These were not cowards among the people. These guys were leaders. They were the brave, the honest, the true. Fearless. Wise. All that leaders should be. They followed orders. They went and spied out the land. They did what they were told. Then they failed. They forgot one very important part of what the Lord had said.

...which I am giving to the children of Israel...

When they returned, all but two, gave a fear filled report. We can't do it. It is too much. We won't win. They were looking for the wrong things.

I would like to think I would have been one of the two who stood firm.
I have a feeling I would not have been.

Stay with me here.

The MCs and I are reading the Silver Chair by CS Lewis. A statement by one of the characters has been with me a couple of days now. The main characters are in search of a missing prince. Aslan, the lion who is King, has given them specific signs to look for on their journey. They think they have just witnessed one, which involves releasing a savage young man.

"Do you mean you think everything will come right if we untie him?" said Scrubb.

"I don't know about that," said Puddleglum. "You see, Aslan didn't tell Pole what would happen. He only told her what to do. That fellow will be the death of us once he's up, I shouldn't wonder. But that doesn't let us off following the sign."

The Lord told the Israelites the land was theirs. He made no other promises. No promises of ease. No promises of a conflict free take over. He just told them He was giving the land to them. All they had to do was follow the signs.

Find yourself in the same spot? The Lord has clearly called you to do something and you are wavering. The Lord has told you what to look for and to move when you find it. He makes no guarantee of an easy Christian walk, an easy marriage, an easy relationship with the other people walking around this planet with us, both inside and outside the church walls. If you say, no, He has not called me to anything, I would respectfully disagree. He has called us to love, our neighbors and our enemies. He has called us to care for others, the others we know and the ones we don't. He has called us to share the gospel, even when it is uncomfortable. He has called us to be a light in this darkness. So maybe you don't have a specific ministry calling. Our Christian walk is specific enough. He has told us what to look for and what to do. He has made no other promises. Except one....

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father's hand. I and My Father are one." John 10: 27-30 (NKJV)

Death may be upon us. Death of old ideologies. Death of pride. Death of relationships. Death to self. Death of our plans. In some cases, literally death.

But that doesn't let us off following the sign.

What are we looking for? The easy way out? The effortless victories? The approval of man? The right to be right? The path on which nothing that I want has to be sacrificed?

But that doesn't let us off following the sign.

May we, especially me, be deliberate in doing so.

WHAT DO I KNOW?

Now it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out to his brethren and looked at their burdens. And he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his brethren.
Exodus 2:11 (NKJV)

For the first time while reading this, I actually wondered if he knew. It seems he did. It reads as if Moses knew he was not an Egyptian. He knew he was a Hebrew. How long did he know? Who told him? How did he respond? How did he stay in the palace knowing what was happening?
It also got me to thinking about us.
Do we know who we are?
Do we pretend to be something else?
Perhaps something perfect, as Pharaoh's often marketed themselves.
Letting everyone at work, at school, and at church know we have it all together.
Our lives are great.
Our kids are perfect.
Our marriage is flawless.
We never struggle.
We never battle.
We never war.
We rarely stumble, much less fall.

For we all stumble in many things...James 3:2

Maybe someone wealthy, when we spend and buy and go and do to keep up with culture while driving ourselves deeper and deeper into slavery to the master called money.
Making sure we have the coolest clothes.
The coolest car.
The latest gadget.
For school.
For girl's night out.
For church.

No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon... Luke 16:13

Maybe we try to pretend to be just like the world.
We don't want to offend.
We don't want to challenge.
We want to conform, just a little bit.
Just enough to not seem different.
We want to blend and have reasoned that by blending we can witness and draw others to Jesus.
Because Jesus Freaks scare people.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God....Romans 12:2

I have.
I know I have.
I have forgotten who I am.
I have forgotten that my little sin is just as much sin as her big one.

for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.....Romans 3:23

I have gotten caught up in the stuff.
The need for the stuff.
Stuff that breaks.
Or gets lost.
Tears up.
Gets stolen.
The stuff that is not going with me in the end.

Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal....Matthew 6:19-20

I have forgotten that when I gave my life to Christ I was called out.
I was pulled to the side.
I was set apart.

But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light....1 Peter 2:9

No, we don't go around lamenting publicly all our shortcomings.
Yes, when things are good we rejoice.
We don't forget, however, Who gives us all good things.
No, I am not against having nice things.
Yes, I like nice things.
We don't, however, let the desire for those nice things usurp our desire to serve Christ.
No, I do not believe we should isolate ourselves from the world.
Yes, I was called to be salt and light in this darkness, as were you if you are a believer in Jesus Christ.
We don't, however, let the world change us. We don't blend. Things that blend don't stand out. They don't witness. They are just there.

The question today is do you and I know who we are?
Who we really are?
Do we act like it?
Are we being deliberate about it?
We should.
He was and is and will be.

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!
1 John 3:1

ABIGAIL

I am participating in a study of the life of David at a local church. We recently read the account of Abigail, Nabal and David found in 1 Samuel 25. If you are not familiar with the story, I will let you read it for yourself because, well, you need too! However, after you have read it, come back and join the discussion. Two verses caught my eye. The first is after Abigail has come before David.

"So David received from her hand what she had bought him, and said to her,

"Go up in peace to your house,

I have heeded your voice and respected your person." "

1 Samuel 25:35 (NKJV)

Then , a few verses later, we find this...

"....And David sent and proposed to Abigail, to take her as his wife."

1 Samuel 25:39 (NKJV)

The NIV says David granted her request in verse 35, and he "communed" with her in verse 39. I'll be honest, I like NKJV better. It's more romantic; more Hallmark.

I want to be that to HH. I want him to respect my person. I want him to continue to respect my person fifty years from now. I want to be a wife and mom of integrity to him and the MCs. I want him to be glad he proposed and to not hesitate to do it again. I don't want to give up on that just because he put a ring on my finger. I want to keep striving to be that woman in Proverbs 31, bless her heart. As much as she gets under my skin, I want to keep working toward that. I want him to heed my voice, not out of frustration because I have nagged him to death, but because I have chosen my words wisely and spoken them with respect and love. I want to honor him even in our disagreements and end up, as Keith Moore has often told Beth, at a place where we both win (caught that little gem on Wednesdays with Beth).

I want to encourage you unmarrieds, young or old, to be women who your suitors will respect. Be someone to whom they desire to grant a request. A woman for whom it is deemed an honor to ask for in marriage. I believe what is in the bible is there for a reason and what is left out is left out for a reason. Just a few verses down we read where David took another wife (Ahinoam, verse 43). It makes no mention of David asking her or communing with her. Abigail was a woman who deserved to be asked. Properly. She had won David's respect and kept her dignity in the process.

In our present culture, maintaining your dignity and respect is becoming a difficult task, married or single. We need to turn to the One, the only One who gives it to us, Jesus Christ. He is the keeper of our dignity. He equips us to make the choices that preserve it.

Don't quit.

Don't stop striving for that.

Reagrdless.

As much as she wears us out.

Don't stop.

Encourage each other.

Remind each other.

Correct and build each other up.

Be deliberate.

And remind me that I said all this.

INTEGRITY

This is going to be a painfully honest post.

It may make you think less of me.

If it does, all I can say is I'm sorry, and you shouldn't thought so highly of me in the first place.

Then his wife said to him," Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

Job 2:9 (NKJV)

I was reading this passage and the word integrity stuck out at me. I immediately thought of someone whose integrity I question.

Yes, I went there.

Oh this is a verse for so and so.

This person should really read this because I am not sure he/she holds fast to his/her integrity.

On and on I went in my pretty little head.

Then it happened.

The little voice that softly whispered,

What about your integrity?

What? Me? Lord, I hold fast to it.

In this area yes, but what about here? And here? And over here?

What? Ohhhh......ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Am I holding fast to my integrity in my relationship with Hunter Hubs?

Am I holding to it in my friendships?

What about my finances? Integrity there?

In my stewardship of my health, my time, my resources?

Am I holding fast to my integrity there?

What about those phone calls I dodge because I just don't want to deal with it or them?

As you can read, I have been getting a royal scolding, and rightly so.

Not because I questioned this person's integrity, but because I failed to look at my own.

Looking at my own gives me the humility and grace to look at his/hers.

To look at him/her through eyes of the love of Christ and compassion.

To pray for him/her sincerely that the Lord will grant discernment and correct his/her ways.

To address it with a heart that is humble and not haughty.

I believe in biblical correction.

With that said, this week has been a God reminder that my attitude better be in check.

I would be wise to take a good long look at my life (all the way around) and see where I fall short.

Then, and only then, do I broach the subject.

With the truth of God's word in one hand and the love of Christ Jesus in the other.

Honestly, I still question so and so's integrity.

I do, and I think it is a big enough deal to be concerned about.

Today, however, I question it with a heart that understands how quickly integrity can be compromised.

A heart that breaks for him/her.

A heart that prays.

So, I'm not perfect.

If you have been reading for anytime, you know that already.

If you are new, well, now you know.

He is continuing His good work though.

Long way from completion,

but He is working.

Deliberately.

Delivering me.

And you.

Let's allow Him do His thing.

His integrity never gets compromised.

TO DIE FOR

For where there is a testament, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator.

Hebrews 9:16 (NKJV)

This is the spring board verse for where I am going.

Where there is a testimony, there must also be a death.

If I am going to have any sort of testimony in Christ Jesus,

there is going to have to be a death of sorts on my end.

To have a testimony, I will have to die to flesh.

I will have to die to addiction - of any kind (that means from drugs to chocolate, from hours spent gossiping to hours spent cleaning)

I will have to die to pride.

I will have to die to self.

Some of my dreams will die.

Many of the plans I had for my life may perish.

Even the plans I deemed good.

But the testament...

the testament left behind by Christ Jesus....

the testament HE died for so that I could even have a testimony....

is better than anything else.

The question is am I willing to let those things die for Him?

Or am I going to spend the next year of my life resurrecting them?

Over and over again....

So this week, as so many of us do, I am pondering these thoughts.

What do I not want to carry in to 2011 with me?

What do I not even what to carry in to tomorrow with me?

Perhaps even the next minute?

My testimony in Christ is one partly of death...

His, Jesus Christ, for my sins and my salvation.

To deliberately deliver me from sin and unto the Father.

To accept that testament is to die to myself.

My wants.

My needs.

My ideas.

My plans.

Same holds true for you.

Make no mistake.

We will have to choose.

We will have to be deliberate.

The life we gain, well, it is so worth letting those things, those issues, die for.

And this is the testimony:that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.

1 John 5:11 (NKJV)

OUTSIDE/INSIDE

I don't about you but at times I come across a sentence in the Bible that just hits me like a mack truck. I guess they all should, but some hit with more punch than others. Such was the case with 2 Corinthians 7:5.

For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.


Those last six words echoed within my heart and head.


Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.

As a woman, can I say how many times those words have described my thoughts and resulting behaviors. The number of times I have made a complete fool of myself because of those exact words. How many times have I seen it in other women? Sure, probably in men too, but more in women.

Gals, you know it is true.

Oh, I pray I do this justice. There are some conflicts that need to happen. They need to be addressed. They need to be resolved. However, there are a great many conflicts that are self-inflicted because of fear. Conflicts with our spouses because we are afraid of something. Conflicts with women at church because we are afraid they are going to fill our roles. Conflicts with friend's new friends because we are afraid we are replaceable.

At church.

At work.
In family.
At the mall.
Honestly, I have had conflicts with women I hardly knew. Hardly talked to, but every time I was around them, I felt the conflict rise up within me, even if I never verbalized it. These types of conflicts can't be resolved. They are only the symptoms. Outside manifestations of inside fear.
What are we afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
That my husband will wake up one day and not love me? That my role "in the church" will diminish, and so will my value and importance? That my friend will decide I am no longer important? How rational are those fears?
The scary part is sometimes they are very rational. We all know stories of women whose husbands have just decided to up and leave. We have probably gone through a time when our role at church did diminish, and that is hard to let go of.
High school trained many of us to believe friendships are fickle.
We see it in the world. We see it in our churches. We live it, and we get scared. We are afraid.
Afraid of letting go.
Afraid of being let go.
I pray this is coming across like He wants it to.
Even now, Lord Jesus, prick our hearts, even now.
The only thing I know to battle fear is faith.
Faith in Jesus Christ.
Faith in God.
Faith that whatever happens, He is there.
Faith that He has a role in the church for me, and He alone determines that.
Faith that when I lay it all down before Him, my marriage, my church, my friendships, He willingly takes them and works them to His glory.
I don't know that insecurities ever go away.
They are all about doubt, and the enemy loves to pedal those wares.
What I do know is I have to be deliberate in how I deal with them.
I have to purposeful in recognizing the fears before they manifest into conflict.
In those times I miss it, I have to be determined to lay it before the Lord so He can show me what the cause was. Determined to deal with the fall out.
We are not here to be beat up.
We are not here to be living in constant conflict, driven by our fears.
We are here, now, deliberately, for the glory of God.
Our celebration of Jesus birth is a celebration of that deliberate deliverance.
Gals, we can't win this alone.
We need Jesus.
We need the Holy Spirit.
We need the Lord God Almighty.
With them, our version can read,

Outside was peace, inside was Jesus.

Let it be so, Lord God, let it be so.