TO DIE FOR

For where there is a testament, there must also of necessity be the death of the testator.

Hebrews 9:16 (NKJV)

This is the spring board verse for where I am going.

Where there is a testimony, there must also be a death.

If I am going to have any sort of testimony in Christ Jesus,

there is going to have to be a death of sorts on my end.

To have a testimony, I will have to die to flesh.

I will have to die to addiction - of any kind (that means from drugs to chocolate, from hours spent gossiping to hours spent cleaning)

I will have to die to pride.

I will have to die to self.

Some of my dreams will die.

Many of the plans I had for my life may perish.

Even the plans I deemed good.

But the testament...

the testament left behind by Christ Jesus....

the testament HE died for so that I could even have a testimony....

is better than anything else.

The question is am I willing to let those things die for Him?

Or am I going to spend the next year of my life resurrecting them?

Over and over again....

So this week, as so many of us do, I am pondering these thoughts.

What do I not want to carry in to 2011 with me?

What do I not even what to carry in to tomorrow with me?

Perhaps even the next minute?

My testimony in Christ is one partly of death...

His, Jesus Christ, for my sins and my salvation.

To deliberately deliver me from sin and unto the Father.

To accept that testament is to die to myself.

My wants.

My needs.

My ideas.

My plans.

Same holds true for you.

Make no mistake.

We will have to choose.

We will have to be deliberate.

The life we gain, well, it is so worth letting those things, those issues, die for.

And this is the testimony:that God has given us eternal life, and this life is in His Son.

1 John 5:11 (NKJV)

OUTSIDE/INSIDE

I don't about you but at times I come across a sentence in the Bible that just hits me like a mack truck. I guess they all should, but some hit with more punch than others. Such was the case with 2 Corinthians 7:5.

For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.


Those last six words echoed within my heart and head.


Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.

As a woman, can I say how many times those words have described my thoughts and resulting behaviors. The number of times I have made a complete fool of myself because of those exact words. How many times have I seen it in other women? Sure, probably in men too, but more in women.

Gals, you know it is true.

Oh, I pray I do this justice. There are some conflicts that need to happen. They need to be addressed. They need to be resolved. However, there are a great many conflicts that are self-inflicted because of fear. Conflicts with our spouses because we are afraid of something. Conflicts with women at church because we are afraid they are going to fill our roles. Conflicts with friend's new friends because we are afraid we are replaceable.

At church.

At work.
In family.
At the mall.
Honestly, I have had conflicts with women I hardly knew. Hardly talked to, but every time I was around them, I felt the conflict rise up within me, even if I never verbalized it. These types of conflicts can't be resolved. They are only the symptoms. Outside manifestations of inside fear.
What are we afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
That my husband will wake up one day and not love me? That my role "in the church" will diminish, and so will my value and importance? That my friend will decide I am no longer important? How rational are those fears?
The scary part is sometimes they are very rational. We all know stories of women whose husbands have just decided to up and leave. We have probably gone through a time when our role at church did diminish, and that is hard to let go of.
High school trained many of us to believe friendships are fickle.
We see it in the world. We see it in our churches. We live it, and we get scared. We are afraid.
Afraid of letting go.
Afraid of being let go.
I pray this is coming across like He wants it to.
Even now, Lord Jesus, prick our hearts, even now.
The only thing I know to battle fear is faith.
Faith in Jesus Christ.
Faith in God.
Faith that whatever happens, He is there.
Faith that He has a role in the church for me, and He alone determines that.
Faith that when I lay it all down before Him, my marriage, my church, my friendships, He willingly takes them and works them to His glory.
I don't know that insecurities ever go away.
They are all about doubt, and the enemy loves to pedal those wares.
What I do know is I have to be deliberate in how I deal with them.
I have to purposeful in recognizing the fears before they manifest into conflict.
In those times I miss it, I have to be determined to lay it before the Lord so He can show me what the cause was. Determined to deal with the fall out.
We are not here to be beat up.
We are not here to be living in constant conflict, driven by our fears.
We are here, now, deliberately, for the glory of God.
Our celebration of Jesus birth is a celebration of that deliberate deliverance.
Gals, we can't win this alone.
We need Jesus.
We need the Holy Spirit.
We need the Lord God Almighty.
With them, our version can read,

Outside was peace, inside was Jesus.

Let it be so, Lord God, let it be so.

THE ONE...

I am in Acts reading about Saul's conversion.
I got tickled at the disciples not trusting him,
with good reason I might add.
Then I got to thinking about how we do the same.
Someone who has been a holy terror comes to Jesus, and we are skeptics.
Someone who has hurt us comes and repents,
and we seek motive.
So many times we look for them to stumble.
May not be intentional on our part, but we do.
We hope for the best and expect the worst.
I am sure the disciples hoped Saul, now Paul, had changed,
but who could blame them for doubting.
The man had gone after them with a vengeance.
But one had hope.
One brought Paul to the others.
We have the One who is our hope.
We have the One who brings us to Himself.
See, we have been the holy terrors also.
We have hurt Him and come back with repentance.
He never looks for motives.
He never looks for stumbles.
He graciously loves us through them.
He doesn't excuse us.
He doesn't lie to us.
He doesn't sugar coat it.
What He does is loves us.
Deliberately.
Praying I do the same for others.

DOCTRINE IT'S NOT....

The following will not be supported by any commentary I am pretty sure.

Just how the verse struck me on a particular day.

Whoever falls on that stone will be broken; but whomever it falls, it will grind him to powder.

Luke 20:18 (NKJV)

The stone Christ is talking about is Himself. In the verse above He has quoted Psalm 188:22 back to the people.

I am not going there.

It hit me this way....

When I fall on Jesus, I will be broken.

My heart will be shattered for anyone else but Him.

My pride will be broken.

My life as I knew it will be broken.

My chains will be broken.

A million pieces I will become.

Pieces He will restore.

Pieces He will put back together.

Being broken because I fell upon Jesus is a good thing.

Maybe even a desired thing.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, A broken and contrite heart-These, O God, You will not despise.

Psalm 51:17 (NKJV)

The other option is when Christ falls on me.

Then I am crushed.

I am devastated.

I am ground into powder.

Christ will only let me live in my sin for so long.

Then He will put His foot down.

May not be until the end, but He will.

The enemy of our soul will be crushed.

Saul was crushed.

The rich young man was crushed.

The better choice is to throw myself on the Rock of Christ Jesus and be broken.

We, I, don't always make the better choice.

Sometimes we become so hard breaking won't work.

We can still have hope.

In Christ Jesus, we are not crushed. (2 Corinthians 4:8)

Saul becomes Paul.

In Christ Jesus, we can be put back together again.

Pieces or powder.

Our God can restore us.

So, if you are aware enough to make the choice, choose to be broken.

Deliberately.

If you weren't or aren't, and you find yourself crushed, do not despair.

Jesus is still there.

Let Him have the dust that remains from your life.

He can breathe life into it again. (Gen. 2:7).

He can deliver you.

Whole.

Complete.

New.

BITTER WEEPING ALLOWED...

If you have been around Christianity for pretty much any amount of time you have heard of Peter. Peter was so much like so many of us. Quick tempered, mouthy, flip-floppy, yet so desperately longing to be with Jesus. Before Christ was arrested, He told Peter that before the rooster crowed three times, Peter would deny Him.
Peter did.
Peter knew it as soon the rooster crowed.
Peter wept bitterly.
I think in my head I pictured Peter having a moment of clarity, realizing what he had done, and walking away to find solitude where he could cry.
Yesterday, I read the account in Luke and my picture changed.

But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are saying!" Immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how He had said to him,"Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times." So Peter went out and wept bitterly.
Luke 22:60-62 (NKJV)

Peter was no dummy. He knew what he was doing the first time he denied Christ.
And the second.
Peter was scared.
Peter was unsure.
Peter was being sifted. (Luke 22:31).
Although I am not sure the sifting was in the denial, but the recovery from.
Imagine the hurt.
Imagine the failure.
Imagine looking into the face of Jesus right as you sin.
Knowing He loved you.
Knowing you hurt Him.
I am sure that Jesus looked on Peter with compassion, which I would bet only made things worse.
I, we, have, I hope, all had times when we knew immediately we had sinned.
Sometimes, I even get close to the fullness of how my sin hurt others.
Sometimes, I get how it hurts God.
But to have Jesus look at me.
To look back at Him.
It would break my heart.
As well it should.
I need to remember that.
My sin doesn't just hurt me or others walking around on this earth.
It hurts the very God who made us.
It breaks the heart of the very Christ who died to save me from it.
And the devil will remind you of that.
Can you imagine the torture Peter endured in his mind?
The thoughts.
The imagined implications.
I imagine he was pretty disgusted with himself.
I usually am when I realize what I have done.
I don't know if Peter remembered the other words Christ spoke to him.

And the Lord said, "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to the Me, strengthen your brethren."
Luke 22: 31-32 (NKJV)

Christ, knowing full well what was about to happen, encouraged Peter.
He loved Peter.
He prayed for Peter.
Not that Peter's faith in Peter would not fail, but Peter's faith in Him.
In His love.
In His forgiveness.
In His grace.
When you and I fail, when we sin, we should weep.
Bitterly.
But in our weeping, let us remember who our faith is in.
Not in ourselves, that we were right, or that we will get it right.
Our faith is in Christ Jesus.

"...Who is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9 (NKJV)

Let those tears wash away the dirt the enemy tries to pile upon you.
Allow those bitter tears to fall on your tongue as you open you mouth in confession and praise.
And watch the Lord make them sweet.

For I am the Lord who heals you.
Exodus 16:22-27 (NKJV)

Deliberately.

I SEE MYSELF....

in the Pharisee standing at the altar.
At least, I see who I used to be.
It wasn't intentional.
Pride snuck in while I was being good.
Doing the things I was supposed to do.
Knowing I had sin, but comparing it others.
Read the story again yesterday and I saw myself.
I am not sure it was that I even thought I was better,
just not as bad.
Saw myself in another story as well.
Priscilla Shirer shared in One in a Million that a rebellious sheep will have its leg broken by the shepherd.
Wounded, the sheep must now be carried by the shepherd.
Resting on the shepherd, the sheep learns his voice.
When healed, the sheep KNOWS its shepherd's voice.
The rebellion is gone.
I have had a broken leg.
I have been carried.
I know my shepherd's voice.
Reading that story made me think of the book of Ezekiel.
Time and time again the Lord says He is doing this or that so"they (or you) will know that I am the Lord."
We are going to know He is Lord.
We need to know He is the Lord.
We are delivered because He is Lord.

FOR HIS NAME'S SAKE....AND YOURS.

This is what I wrote over Jeremiah chapter 42 in my bible.
The full caption reads:

DO NOT GO BACK TO THE CAPTIVITY THAT I HAVE DELIVERED YOU FROM

You need to read the chapter for yourself. Here is what I am going to say. When things get hard, either as a consequence of your actions or just because, do not go back to the captivity Christ has delivered you from. Sometimes things get rough just in our head. A comment that hurts a little, even when nothing was intended by it. A nod of approval neglected. Sometimes things really are difficult. Either way, do not go back to the captivity He has delivered your from.

Not back to old habits.

Not back to old thought processes.

Not back to old self-loathing or pride.

Do not run back to old friends if He has removed them.

Do not go back to old lifestyles.

Do not run back to the "good" if it held you captive from the best God has.

Face the difficulties under the wing of the Lord Jesus Christ. He will protect you. He will cause you to survive. He will cause you to thrive. You go back, it will be worse than before. It will be the death of you.

He is the One who delivered you from Egypt, for His name's sake.

To go back is to belittle that name.

To belittle the name He has given you as well.

Redeemed.

Precious.

Adopted.

Child of the Living God.

It may not be easy. Probably won't. Fear will knock and, at times, try to beat down the doors of your heart and mind.

You stand firm.

You keep focused on Christ Jesus and do not look back.

If you are going to fall before anything or anyone, you bow that knee to the Lord Jesus Christ.

You hit your knees in praise and prayer, and you keep those feet facing forward, planted firmly on the ground He has placed you on.

Do not retreat.

Do not concede defeat.

Do not think that I am talking just to you.

It is written in my Bible for a reason:)

Deliberate.

Delivered.

May we be so, Lord Jesus, may we be so.