OUTSIDE/INSIDE

I don't about you but at times I come across a sentence in the Bible that just hits me like a mack truck. I guess they all should, but some hit with more punch than others. Such was the case with 2 Corinthians 7:5.

For indeed, when we came to Macedonia, our bodies had no rest, but we were troubled on every side. Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.


Those last six words echoed within my heart and head.


Outside were conflicts, inside were fears.

As a woman, can I say how many times those words have described my thoughts and resulting behaviors. The number of times I have made a complete fool of myself because of those exact words. How many times have I seen it in other women? Sure, probably in men too, but more in women.

Gals, you know it is true.

Oh, I pray I do this justice. There are some conflicts that need to happen. They need to be addressed. They need to be resolved. However, there are a great many conflicts that are self-inflicted because of fear. Conflicts with our spouses because we are afraid of something. Conflicts with women at church because we are afraid they are going to fill our roles. Conflicts with friend's new friends because we are afraid we are replaceable.

At church.

At work.
In family.
At the mall.
Honestly, I have had conflicts with women I hardly knew. Hardly talked to, but every time I was around them, I felt the conflict rise up within me, even if I never verbalized it. These types of conflicts can't be resolved. They are only the symptoms. Outside manifestations of inside fear.
What are we afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
That my husband will wake up one day and not love me? That my role "in the church" will diminish, and so will my value and importance? That my friend will decide I am no longer important? How rational are those fears?
The scary part is sometimes they are very rational. We all know stories of women whose husbands have just decided to up and leave. We have probably gone through a time when our role at church did diminish, and that is hard to let go of.
High school trained many of us to believe friendships are fickle.
We see it in the world. We see it in our churches. We live it, and we get scared. We are afraid.
Afraid of letting go.
Afraid of being let go.
I pray this is coming across like He wants it to.
Even now, Lord Jesus, prick our hearts, even now.
The only thing I know to battle fear is faith.
Faith in Jesus Christ.
Faith in God.
Faith that whatever happens, He is there.
Faith that He has a role in the church for me, and He alone determines that.
Faith that when I lay it all down before Him, my marriage, my church, my friendships, He willingly takes them and works them to His glory.
I don't know that insecurities ever go away.
They are all about doubt, and the enemy loves to pedal those wares.
What I do know is I have to be deliberate in how I deal with them.
I have to purposeful in recognizing the fears before they manifest into conflict.
In those times I miss it, I have to be determined to lay it before the Lord so He can show me what the cause was. Determined to deal with the fall out.
We are not here to be beat up.
We are not here to be living in constant conflict, driven by our fears.
We are here, now, deliberately, for the glory of God.
Our celebration of Jesus birth is a celebration of that deliberate deliverance.
Gals, we can't win this alone.
We need Jesus.
We need the Holy Spirit.
We need the Lord God Almighty.
With them, our version can read,

Outside was peace, inside was Jesus.

Let it be so, Lord God, let it be so.